When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
