I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
