I'm drive I can fine osifer
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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