i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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