my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
