everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
