I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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