Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
