I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
