I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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