foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
