tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
