Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
