So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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