i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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