Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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