Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
