Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
