too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
