even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
