whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
