I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
