I skipped work to stalk him.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
