How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
