good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh god it's open bar.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
