Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
