why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
50% drunk capacity currently
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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