I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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