my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
