After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
