Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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