You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
