it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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