According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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