So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
