there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
