you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This house was built for laser tag.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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