I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
