She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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