Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
