By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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