I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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