I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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