Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
