I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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