Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
