ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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