Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
