I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
