Dual....:-)
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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