Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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