I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
