You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
