I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
