She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
