What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
