I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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