i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize