I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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