i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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