All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
