I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think people are normalizing furries
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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