i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
