I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm bleeding and have questions
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
