I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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