Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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