Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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