Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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