We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
