I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
