Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
