I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
