Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think my moral compass just broke
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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