i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
